“Why buy colored clothes? pink, anyway? He's a man, not a woman. You should buy blue or brown clothes."
“Time fell off the bike Just cry. That boy No You can cry, you have to be strong. Ashamed of the other girls."
“So girls have to be calm and patient. If someone bothers you at school, let them be Just, No never mind resisted. Girl No can be rude."
Often I hear the sentences above said by parents to their children. So that children who are continuously given this label, without realizing it, become a doctrine for which there is no clear reason. This is ingrained and will be remembered by the child until he grows up. Of course, it becomes the seed of identity and gender gaps as well as absurd social values that will be passed on to the next generation.
Currently, it is very difficult to find parents who provide an understanding to their children about the importance of children knowing the concepts of gender equality, self-acceptance and openness to differences. Since childhood, children are always fed with outdated culture and universal standardization values without giving space for children to ask 'why'. In fact, by providing these inclusive understandings, parents have fulfilled the child's rights that must be fulfilled. The right to choose one's own path, the right to protect oneself, the right to receive recognition and the right to feel safe.
My concerns were finally answered in the book “A Feminist Manifesto: We Should All Be Feminists,” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A series of books that can teach children the concept of gender equality and inclusion in just 60 minutes. Adichie provides a critical analysis, but in easy-to-understand sentences, about why and how parents teach the value of gender equality to their children from an early age. Not without reason, Adichie departed from her childhood unrest, where a boy was elected as class president, even though his teacher promised him this position as a reward for the competition he won.
Book "A Feminist Manifesto: We Should All Be Feminists” is a combination of two books of Adichie's essay collections; “We Should All Be Feminists” which was published in 2014 and “Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions” which was published in 2017. It has been translated into Indonesian and published by a publisher in Yogyakarta, Odyssee Publishing. The book contains 79 pages, first printed in August 2019. The design is attractive with a pink cover and illustrations of five women depicting the diversity of women's identities.
In her book, Adichie seems to want to convey to all parents that children are the generation that will continue the continuity of the social order of life in the future. In their hands, a big decision will be taken as to where human social life will be. For this reason, Adichie feels that teaching feminist values to children is the most appropriate solution to provide children with the knowledge to realize a just life.
One of the sentences that makes Adichie worried about the condition of parental teaching in this modern era is: "We tell our daughters, 'You can have ambition, but don't overdo it. You are allowed to be successful but don't be too successful, otherwise you will threaten the existence of men. And if one day you get married and you are in charge of earning a living, consider that you are not the breadwinner."
How sad it is, parents carry out actions that are very detrimental to the autonomy of daughters, because society has conditioned us to raise daughters to fulfill the ego of sons. Girls are taught from birth that there is nothing worse than the undermining of boys. In turn, girls are taught to silence themselves, to always hold back what they really think.
It is in this book that Adichie works. While feminism is a loaded word and invites a lot of controversy and criticism from both men and women, at its core – being a feminist means establishing and achieving political, economic, personal and social equality for both sexes. From this book, Adichie provides several tips simple way to provide teachings that can foster the concept of gender equality and inclusion to children:
Teach to resist being 'liked.” His job is not to make himself liked, but to make himself a full, honest self and aware of one another's equal humanity. Teach to be brave. Dare to speak his mind, to say what he really thinks and speak honestly. Teach to say that kindness is important. Praise children when they do good things to others. However, also teach him that his kindness should not be underestimated. Saying that he also deserves other people's kindness. Teaches to defend what is his. Tell the child that if something makes him uncomfortable, then he should speak up, should say it or even scream.
Showing your child that he doesn't need to be liked by everyone. Telling him that if someone doesn't like him, then someone else will. Teaches that he is not an object to be liked and disliked, but also a subject who can like and dislike. Teaching children to question the use of culturally selective biology as an 'excuse' for sometimes absurd social norms. Teach that biology is an interesting and fascinating subject, but he should not accept it as a justification for any violence, or accept it as a justification for social norms. Because social norms are created by humans, and there are no social norms that cannot be changed.
Teaching about love. That loving is not only about giving but also receiving. So far, many parents have taught their children, especially their daughters, that to love is their ability to sacrifice themselves. But teach children to give of themselves emotionally and also expect the same for themselves.
Teach him about differences. Making a difference has become second nature to him. Making differences normal. Teach not to give value to differences. Because differences are the reality of our world. By teaching him differences, it means equipping him to survive in this diverse world. Teach him not to universalize his own standards or experiences. Teach him that his standards are only for himself, and no one else. The pedagogy is that differences are normal.
Telling him that some later, when they grow up, some people get married and some don't. A small child can have two fathers and two mothers, and that is normal. Tell him that some people go to the mosque, others to church, others go to worship in different places and others do not worship at all. That way, children will become human beings who are full of opinions, and whose opinions are based on broad and human insight.
The most important thing to take away from this book is that the gap between the sexes is a social and cultural construct, which has been ingrained and passed down from generation to generation through the way we raise our children. The problem with gender is that it dictates how we should behave, rather than recognizing who we really are. Imagine how happier children would be, how freer their true selves would be, if parents didn't have the burden of gender expectations.
This book is important not because I want all parents to be feminists, but because achieving gender equality in the social, political and economic spheres is essential for cultural progress and global evolution. This book provides a powerful, important, and perhaps somewhat uncomfortable perspective on injustice and inequality between the sexes. But I believe it is time for us to build the possibility of connection and understanding to bridge the gap of dissent. It's time for us, especially parents, to do better.
